When I was a kid, I was never a fan of the seesaw. I was small, and it seemed whoever sat at the other end (I'm looking at you, big sis) would hold it down, so my scrawny legs were left dangling up there at the top. The seesaw is not fun when you're stuck in the "see" position. (See is up, saw is down. Right? Has this point ever been debated?) It turns out it took me a long time from those seesaw days to find my balance.

The Past

I've struggled with balance. My tendency is all-or-nothing—100% in or 100% out. Over the years, my weight reflected that inconsistency. I would run too much and eat too little for as long as my willpower would allow, then eventually, not run at all and overeat until I gained enough weight that I would be inspired to start the process over again. I repeated this more times than I cared to admit. Every time I lost weight, I would pinky-swear, never to gain the weight again (never!).

But when you live on willpower fumes, all it takes is a change in routine (vacation, anyone?), a life change (maybe a new job), or any unchecked stress, and the pendulum would swing in the other direction. That meant for me, bye-bye skinny jeans.

I don't believe in before and after pictures. These pictures are both from my life at different stages. The second one is not my after picture; I am still living my life. There is no such thing as before and after, just then and now.

Finding Balance

It took me too many years of on and off to finally find balance. I realized that I didn't need to run every single day and that lifting weights and Yoga are fabulous additions to a well-rounded routine. I learned I could eat pizza in moderation, and I didn't have to deprive myself of anything.

Absolute abstaining from so-called bad foods never worked for me because eventually, I would break and not stop overindulging.

I exercise most days but don't get down on myself if I am tired and replace a scheduled workout with a long walk. I eat healthy foods most days but regularly enjoy pizza and sushi (yes, the yummy deep-fried kind). I try not to restrict anything but enjoy everything in moderation. Sounds cliché, right?

Moderation, sometimes, is easier said than done. I am sure lots of people are reading this and nodding their heads in agreement. Almost everyone agrees that moderation is the key to a healthy lifestyle, yet so many of us (raises hand!) still struggle with its execution. The key for me was understanding and identifying that fine line between self-compassion and poor choices so occasionally indulging doesn't turn into full-blown bad habits (and vice versa).

For me, it always went both ways. I was just as likely to lose control by overindulging as undernourishing or working out too much. Orthorexia Nervosa is the unhealthy obsession with clean eating and exercise. Too much of a good thing is still too much (that's why it's called too much).

Miss a single workout? No big deal. My body needs the rest. I don't have to beat myself up for fitness. A rest day is a good thing. Miss three days in a row? Four? I have learned to look deep and be honest with myself. Am I missing my workouts this week because I procrastinate or because my body genuinely needs the rest? There is a big difference, and as long as I am honest with myself, I can make the right choice for my body.

Moving Forward

I've maintained my healthy weight for over six years. After a decade of yo-yo dieting, I have a handle on it. I am more in tune with recognizing the triggers (whether positive or negative) that can lead to unhealthy behaviors that throw off that balance.

I practice self-compassion while still pushing myself to achieve personal goals; it's a fine line and something I am sure I will have to be mindful of for the rest of my life. I try to make positive choices without obsession and enjoy life's pleasures without overindulging. My goals have changed from a scale-obsessed mindset to a muscle-building and athletic performance focus, and it's freed me from a lifestyle of restriction. It's the art of balance.

Can you relate?

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Show up. Do your best. Rest. Repeat.

Coach Lea