I consider myself a compassionate coach, which means I will never be a yell-in-your-face, Jillian Michaels-like coach whose screaming is thinly veiled as tough love. It's not my style or personality, and it's generally an ineffective communication method.
I train adults who aren't Olympic hopefuls or not usually even Boston hopefuls who live busy lives with responsibilities, families, and other priorities.
I train people who want to live healthy lives, set and achieve personal goals, and feel good about themselves.
I train adults, adults who have the autonomy to make decisions about what is best for them. I'm a coach, not a drill sergeant. My job is to guide and offer encouragement, experience, and expertise so they can make the best decisions for themselves.
One of my clients said, "I love the way you gently push me." I like the word gentle because if I see that my client has more potential than they are demonstrating, I will encourage them to give more. Still, if a client is not ready (usually mentally) for what I am suggesting, I allow them the autonomy to make that choice for themselves. I push gently, not bulldoze.
But because we are human, and I include myself in this statement, we often walk a fine line between reasons and excuses when we encounter obstacles, fears, and self-doubt.
The difference between excuses and reasons
Excuses generally cast blame on someone or something else, and they exist to make us feel better about not following through with commitments. Excuses quiet a guilty mind and save face.
"It's not my fault..."
Reasons allow us to reflect, reassess, and adjust our actions or goals. We take full responsibility with a proactive approach to making necessary changes to keep moving forward.
"I missed a workout, but I will make these adjustments so that I don't encounter this obstacle as often."
Excuses happen when we miss and let ourselves off the hook, but reasons give us the information we need to adjust our training for a better outcome in the future.
An excuse: I missed my workout because I worked late.
A reason: I missed my training because I had to work late, but I will plan my activities in the morning next week, so I know I will get my exercise in even if I work late.
I don't scold my clients for missed workouts because I try to create a culture of self-care, listening to our bodies, and proper recovery. Following a plan to the letter without regard for how you feel is a recipe for disaster. So a client who misses a workout because they were too tired could very well mean their body needed more rest and recovery. Instead, I try to help them overcome the obstacle that caused the missed workout in the first place.
I do my best to factor into the training schedules what I know about the client's lifestyle, sleep, stress, and nutrition, but the client is the expert on their own body, and I aim to help them tune into the signals the body sends.
Fear is an excuse, not a reason.
But sometimes, a client will make a decision based on fear and need that gentle pushing in the right direction.
I have a client training for a race and started dealing with back pain. The pain did not originate from her half-marathon training, and the workouts toward this goal didn't appear to activate or worsen the pain.
She started talking about dropping out of race training. While I respected her decision if that is what she decided, I encouraged her to continue training. If and when we came to a place where the pain inhibited her ability to complete the workouts (never push through physical pain!), we would decide to cease activity at that point. I didn't want her to make the decision based on fear of what she might be unable to do but rather make that decision based on the reality of what she could reasonably do.
In the end, while the pain was not inhibiting her training, and her doctor supported her continuing, it was affecting her sleep and causing another layer of stress, which can significantly affect recovery from workouts. If we don't recover from workouts, we don't improve and may risk injury. She decided that dropping down to a 10K would allow her to continue training on a readjusted goal. She didn't use her back pain as an excuse, but it was a reason for her to reevaluate and adjust her training and race goal. I fully support this decision; there will always be another half-marathon.
REASONS OR EXCUSES?
Another past client needed help sticking to his assigned workouts for half-marathon training. Week after week, he would miss the required long training. I encouraged him to keep moving forward and not worry about adhering to the plan 100%. However, he missed too many workouts, so the goal race would either be, at worst, an injury risk from undertraining or, at best, a miserable race from lack of time on his feet.
I knew he could pull through and get the training done, so I helped him readjust training based on his circumstances, but it was ultimately his decision. I can encourage him, but I can't make anyone do the required work; they must want it. Guilt-tripping doesn't help anyone. It's pretty black and white; you either figure out how to do the work (your coach can help you troubleshoot strategy), readjust your goals based on your reasons, or live with the consequences. I'm happy as long as my clients continue to move forward healthily, whatever that means for them.
Reasons are not excuses
Some clients do everything but ultimately feel guilty that they are not doing enough and sacrifice rest and recovery in favor of more work. These clients feel like they are making excuses when I try to help them understand the reasons why rest and recovery are just as important as the training days.
Look at your training. Are you making excuses or adjusting your plan based on reasons? Strike a balance between doing the required work and taking the rest and recovery you need.
The best training plan is a consistent one. We must figure out how to fit our training into our busy lives, not try to cram our life around our workouts.
If you have trouble discerning between reasons and excuses and making plans to move forward despite obstacles, it may be a good idea to hire a coach to help you with a more objective view of your training.
Questions? I’d love to help.
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